it isn't just about me

Moose is the one in front, Frisco is in the back.  Our frosted chocolates!

So Moose, the 6 year old chocolate lab, nephew of Frisco who is 10 1/2, has a lump on his chest.  He's had a mast cell tumor excised from his ear lobe maybe a year and a half ago, and he whined through the whole thing.  Remember, this is the dog that at 6 months had his hip dislocate on him so had surgery to cut off the top of the leg and pull cartilage over to create a hip socket.  The surgeon said when the other leg bothered him more than the first surgered leg, to come back - and we were back in 3 weeks.  Dr Jankowski was amazed.  So before he was 1, Moose had both legs and hips done.  Then he developed horrible diarrhea which turned out to be inflammatory bowel disease plus low thyroid plus food allergies.  The poor guy is kept alive by medicines.  And now his second mast cell tumor.  After the last, I wanted NO MORE KNIVES for Moose.  We've spent too much money and put him in too much pain.  So I am not the only one with cancer in the family - not a comforting feeling.

8/27/10 the oncologist

This afternoon was the oncologist, Michael Guarino who introduced himself simply as Guarino.  Ok.  He is a self-described blunt man who wants answers NOW.  I am ok with that - better than a namby pamby who takes days to make a decision!  He tried to get me to give lung fluid into a cup - not very successfully. Oh well.  From the spittle he can sometimes ID the cancer.  Looking at the CDs, he saw 2 non-issue cysts on the liver, an enlarged lymph node near the stomach probably from the April appendectomy, but also the enlarged lymph nodes on the trachea.  That is what most concerns him, I think.  Next week I will have a PET scan, brain MRI and bronchoscopy.  And will start radiation therapy.  I am no doctor but I think he is concerned that the lymphatic system has already sent cancer cells throughout and into the brain, lessening my chances for any positive result.

One day at a time to gather the information to finally make an informed decision.  Once we have the data, we'll go to Hopkins for a second opinion.

I haven't really been telling people - again, one day at a time for my sake and others.  I don't know what to tell people so why say anything?  If you read this and are sad you didn't know at the outset, sorry.  But I don't know what I am working with and am also trying to recover from a bout of pneumonia, something I keep forgetting about.  I am tired, busy with work (a good thing), and trying to keep my head above water emotionally.  I am hoping to get a lot of mindless reading done during these appointments - gotta be mindless in case those nasty cells are up there already!

Patrick heads off to UD on Monday, which is where he needs to be.  He'll see a perfectly healthy mother when he leaves, so that will be his image.  Maggie is the one who will need help -she'll see the struggles on the bad days.

My only real question, as I look at my bucket list, is how I am going to have that red car black top Miata (or other fun sports car).  I'd hoped to rent one, but cannot find a rental agency online.  I don't want to own one, just drive it around for a few weeks during the great Fall weather!  If you have any suggestions, let me know!

8/24 the Thoracic surgeon

Today Fred and I went to see Tom Bauer, thanks to a friend's recommendation and referral.  Dr. Bauer is the chief of Thoracic surgery at Christiana, about which I'd be really impressed if I knew what thoracic meant.  I know, I can look it up, but it is more fun not knowing something.  Dr. Bauer looked at the CDs of the CT Scans and said it is either cancer, stage IIIA, or pneumonia.  Lymph nodes have swelled, which is not good - though only on the right side, which is good.  We still have no idea what kind of cancer we are dealing with.  We trudge forward.

8/20/10, a quieter day

Starting out fasting for bloodwork then the abdomen/pelvis ct scan for staging, I was home by 12:30 and had a relatively normal afternoon working on client sites.  The solution to drink for the ct scan did a number on my system, but I was glad to be able to get more information (no results yet).

More to the bucket list, a recliner and an iPad!  I researched renting a fun car, but it looks like I'll have to "test drive" one for a few days. Luckily I know a manager of the Jaguar dealership who might be able to let me do that with a z4.

Today Maggie has an all day playday for field hockey at Concord.  She's been asked to play goal - not excited about it but she suspects she wouldn't have made varsity any other way.  Jeez I love that girl's maturity!  Plus, this way I'll know she is wearing eye protection - and she knew I would say that!

Patrick's surgery recovery is going well - the bleeding continues to subside and the new xbox certainly has helped keep him quiet in the chair.  Hmm, telling him to play games and watch tv all day - his dream job!

Thursday August 19, 2010

Thursday was Patrick's day for surgery for his deviated septum.  We arrived at the Christiana surgery center at 7:15, he was taken back at 8, surgery started at 9:48, and he was in recovery at 10:30 or so.  All went well.  I got him home around 1, settled into the chair with ice and the tv.

My appt with Obrien was at 3:15.  The mass is 66mmx 35mm in my right lung horizontal crossing the middle and bottom lobes.  They scheduled me for the abdomen and pelvic ct scans for Fri to get staging.

At this point, Fred is the only one who knows; I want to be able to give the kids something concrete rather than the scary "know nothing" stage.  Maggie needs to concentrate on her junior year, not on me. And Patrick needs to get into his academic groove.

I am developing my bucket list and working through how to maintain 82North after I am gone - it has provided a great resource for my clients at such a reduced rate, and I hate leaving them high and dry.  I am hoping I have a solution for DonorMarket.  But, of course there is the slim hope I won't need to do anything about that for a while.

My bucket list so far: tubing down the Brandywine, Thanksgiving watching the Macy's parade from a hotel room high above the crowds, driving a red car black top Miata (my dream for 17 years - but I'll probably just rent one for a few weeks), ice skating on Cotton Cove, Squam, and walking the beach at Boca Grande for just a few more sand dollars.

Wednesday August 18, 2010, the day it began

On Weds August 18, 2010, I spent the day with Matt O'Brien, the GP, Diagnostic Imaging for the xray, Chris Casscells for the still-sprained ankle, then back to Diagnostic imaging for the chest CT Scan and an ultrasound to ensure no blood clots in the ankles.  While during the ultrasound, the technician for the CT Scan came in the room and said that her radiologist had talked with Obrien's office and I had an appointment scheduled for Thurs the 20th at 3:15.  Knowing such a rush could not be good, that is when the scare came in.  I finally got the technician to agree to call Obrien's office to ask him to call me that evening.  When I finally got home around 5:15 Tues (after having left home for Obriens morning appointment at 9:15), I called Emily Penman who leads the Breast Center at Christiana Care - she is my go to person on health matters.  She said she'd call around.  Obrien called and said it was not good news, both the mass and pneumonia, so the medicine began.

Welcome to Karen's Universe!

This is a place where all the people who love Karen can find out how she is doing and she can easily communicate with us all without having to be tired talking to each of us.